How did we get here?? Where is my strong sister that could take on the world and still clean every inch of her house in a matter of hours. How is it that I am sitting at her bedside waiting for her to take her last breath? But here we are...the family is gathered around and we all are watching Rachel...dreading the moment... counting the seconds inbetween breaths. Our hearts are breaking! We still can't believe that this time has come. We want to cling onto Rachel and not let her go! I keep thinking that she will be healed because that is what was suppose to happen! She is not suppose to be laying here sleeping...like she has been doing for the last 24 hours. I want her to wake up and ask for something to eat and to keep it down. I want her to tell me that everything is going to be OK...but that will not happen and my heart continues to break.
Will it be tonight?? will she go to heaven tomorrow?? Should I leave tonight to go home and sleep in my bed or stay here with Rachel while I still have her?? How can this be happening?? It has been over 24 hours since she has been awake to eat anything. Last night she threw up all the food that she had eaten that day and all her medication. Hospice was here today. We have a wonderful nurse named Trish who has been with us from the beginning of hospice care. Trish let us know that it was unsafe for us to offer anymore food to Rachel because she could aspirate on the food. But even without letting us know that, we would not have been able to get Rachel to eat anything. All Rachel has done today is sleep. I am so glad she is not really in pain. So glad this has been an easy release for her. God is good even when we can't understand why He is doing this.
My brother Wayne came home yesterday as a surprise to Rachel and the rest of us! I am so glad he can be here with us but sad that it has to be on these terms. Mom, Dad, Jim, Aunt Betty and I are here around Rachel's bedside because we can't leave. Rob comes in and out and so does Wayne. What is life going to be like after this?
Continue to pray for our family but more importantly pray for those who are reading this who don't know the Lord.
Betty, we love all of you. This is so so hard!. We are praying that everything that unfolds will unfold in a way that honors the Lord. Somehow, the Lord will put a new spirit in us. The same God who put a new spirit in us (Ezekiel 36:26) will be faithful to give us a spirit of peace when the time comes. That seems like a tall order, to imagine peace and even joy again, doesn't it? God will be mighty to save all of our grieving hearts as only He can do. Praying for that miracle for your family, too.
ReplyDeleteBless you, and the whole family. Anita and Brandon Cook