Cancer is a Roller Coaster

The last couple of days have been so up and down for us emotionally because Rachel has been so up and down physically. She went from being very exhausted and out of it (forgetting what day it was and having a lot of hallucinations) most of last week, to having an amazing night with me on Saturday night (completely lucid every time she woke up), to having a horrible night full of pain last night. It is so hard for us as her family to watch her go through these extremes. One minute you are grieving because you feel that it is close to the end, then the next rejoicing because she is doing well and seems to be back to her old self again. I have tried to learn to take it in stride and as Rachel says, "I will have good days and bad days". I know the Lord will take her when He is ready and not a moment sooner. I pray constantly that time will be when we are old and grey, but I also know that He knows better than I and will care for her better than I could ever even imagine. Rachel has a verse posted on her wall that says, "For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge shall give me at that day and not to me only, but unto them also that love his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:6-8. I just love that verse because it is so true in Rachel's life! If our Lord choses to bring her home tonight she can face Him knowing she fought the good fight!

Rachel is now on many different medications - for pain, for nausea, constipation, etc. It is quite a regimen each day and night and requires a schedule and alarms to be set to ensure we give her the correct medication at the correct time. This means that now Rachel basically needs someone with her around the clock to ensure she is taking the correct dosages of medication. This involves sacrifice and has me thinking a lot about sacrifice in the last few days. Sacrifice is how we show love for one another is through sacrifice. Of course the ultimate sacrifice was God giving his only son for Rachel (and for all of us) in order to be the propitiation for her sins and restore her relationship to our perfect God, because her sin separated her from Him. I believe because God has given us such a great example of sacrifice, we as her friends and family want to show our love for Rachel by our sacrifice for her during her time in need. Her family has sacrifice time in order to be with her, sleep in order to take care of her, and comfort in order to try and bring her comfort. And if you asked any of us, we would do it for another 20 years because of how we love Rachel. This is not because of any of our own doing, we are all selfish to the core, but by the grace of God, His love is poured out through us. Then you have Rachel's amazing friends who have sacrificed nights of sleep to pray, sacrificed time to take care of the boys, time to come sit and pray with Rachel, sacrificed time to cook meals for the family, and oh so much more that I can't even remember. There are also people who don't even know Rachel very well that are sacrificing their time to pray for Rachel or make a meal.

All of this has shown me the importance of family (and I consider friends family in many cases) and how blessed we are to have a huge, amazing family. I feel bad for people who don't have a big family or who aren't close with their family, because knowing your family will be there with you through anything is the most amazing thing! It makes me want to have a huge family of my own to continue the legacy! Rachel and I were just talking about how God has worked everything out perfectly for her during this time. He literally worked in hundreds of people to initiate them being here to support Rachel this time. Think of all the coordination - it's an amazing thing to ponder! Even in Rachel's family, He has worked the circumstances out in an incredible way - for starters, about 6 years ago, Rachel and and Rob built a house with her Mom and Dad. None of them knew at the time, how much Rachel would need them today. Also, though not what I would've planned, God gave me the chance to live here with Rachel about a year ago. What a blessing it has been to get to spend every day with my best friend and to get to help take care of her as she is sick. Rachel's siblings are also close by and are able to come and help a lot. The Lord also led Rachel to our church, FAC, a few years ago and Rachel made amazing and lasting friendships there. These friends have proved to be the most amazing friends that Rachel could ever ask for. I could go on and on, but do you see how God has worked everything together for good? It puts a smile on my face as I think about how He loves Rachel so much that He interwove every single detail of her life to make it perfect at this time.

Now for a couple of specific prayers - pray that Rachel will be able to stay pain free and that the hospice nurses will have the wisdom to know exactly what medication to give her to keep the pain away. Also pray that she might be able to eat some more solids and to keep them down. As mentioned above, because of Rachel's medication she needs someone to stay with her each night to administer the meds. We have worked out a rotating schedule, but with full time jobs, families to take care of, and other responsibilities, losing an entire night of sleep is rough - pray that we are able to get the sleep we need have extra energy to get through the day. Thanks again for everyone who has sacrificed and prayed for Rachel - we are all eternally grateful!

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Jules