Seeking the Lord.

Many have been asking for an update and so I will give you one...sad as it may be.

Rachel continues to decline and our hearts continue to break. We never pictured ourselves to be at this point or at the last point we were at or the point before. We pictured Rachel to be healed... we believed that she would be healed! we rallied ourselves each time the news was bad that it was just a set back and things would get better. That has not been the case but I would not give up those times because it gave us focus and a togetherness that we needed.

Rachel has lost so much weight. She struggles with days of throwing everything up including any water that she drinks and the medication that she takes. But other days she is able to eat small amounts of food and keep it down. We live moment by moment knowing that at anytime the Lord could take her home with Him. We actually question why He has not taken her home yet. This is beyond painful to see my sister starve to death!!! Bones stick out everywhere. I shiver when I touch her because all I feel is cold skin and bones... no fat on her... her eye sockets are sunken in and her check bones stick out. It is painful to watch her sleep because she takes two shallow breaths and then pauses breathing for a solid 30 seconds before taking another two shallow breaths.

Other troubles have come our way too... actually they have been here but because of Rachel's sickness things have gotten worse with Dane. He spends most of his days watching his mother die. He fears her death because he feels life she is the only one who loves him unconditionally. It is not true because we all love him but he is a strong willed child!!!! Very strong willed!!! Over the top strong willed!!! and he is going through something that us adults are having a hard time dealing with. He is lashing out in anger and when he walks in the room... he is demanding every ones attention because of his behavior. This has caused all of us frustration and has caused Rachel much stress. 

We need prayer in this area of Dane! Prayer that we will learn to unconditionally love this unlovable child right now!! To see through his anger and to know how to deal correctly with him. That God will teach us patience with him! That God will show us our own sin and our expectations that are not far to put on this 11 year old boy. We expect Dane to behave correctly because his mother is dying. Our anger is sometimes enraged because he is not acting the way we expect him to act. Pause!!! We expect him to act like an adult but he is not. We are still to hold him to a standard that is acceptable and set up boundaries that are healthy for the whole family... that is for sure!!! but!! we need to check our anger because that is our sin in the situation! We have no right to get angry at him! We are to have him follow through with the boundaries that are set up and to hold him to them in LOVE!! God's love!! Right now that is hard because he is being so unlovable!

Lord, please teach Mom, Dad, Rob, Rachel and myself to love Dane through your power and to hold him to the boundaries that are set up because he needs them.

The boys have been enrolled in Erial Community Christian School right down the street. This is a huge relief for us to now that they will be going to school and that Mom does not have to home school them. I think they will do well. Rachel was able to go to the school and talk with them about the situation with the boys and her condition. I think the teachers will all be understanding and take both the boys in and love them!

Mom is frazzled and needs constant prayer. She is in charge of giving Rachel her medication which is almost an hourly thing. Mom is also working with the boys and keeping the house flowing. She has so much on her shoulders right now. I wish so much that I could take on some of the burdens but I am dealing with the shop finances and learning their personal finances and taking care of my three little children. I am frazzled!!

Dad is also doing so much for Rachel! He stays with Rachel most nights to give her the medications and to help her when she gets up, is disoriented, or throwing up. He is amazing! There could not be a more selfless father!!

I question why we are going through this but I know that God has a purpose! Many of you have told us how just reading the blog is challenging your walk with the Lord and drawling you closer to Him. I pray for you as you read this. Feel our pain!!! Let it lead you to go before the Lord and ask Him why we are suffering like this but most importantly talk with the Lord over your relationship with Him.  Gain an understand of Him so that if life were ever to throw you for this type of twist you would be able to go back to the Lord and find strength in Him to face your day.