Unconditional

This is from Rachel. She no longer can see very well and can not type because she is too tired. Reading has been hard for her. - Betty



I don't know where to start, so much has happened since the last time I updated. Though sometimes on facebook it makes it seem like I am doing well, there are days of excruciating pain and I am afraid of laying it out there for everyone to see because somehow it makes me feel like a failure. But then there are other days, that if you had to ask me if I thought I were dying I would laugh at you and say "no, I am in perfect health". The feeling that is most overwhelming me right now is fear itself. Not fear of dying but the fear of pain and that this time will never end. I have some of the best dr.s in the area and they have no answers to give me about how long this process will be. They give me anywhere from tomorrow to 6 months which is a daunting prospect when you think about it.

 These are the times that I cling so dearly to the word of God especially the Psalms. Last night over a puzzles, my Aunt Betty and I  prayed Psalms 73 Psalms 91 and Psalms 121 which was followed by one of the most restful sleeps that I have had in months. You'd think that since there really is no one but God and I that I would turn to Him at all times but that is not the truth! I still struggle with putting God first, though I have seen his miracles in my life every single day. What keeps me coming back is the unconditional love and acceptance that I feel when I am close to Him. no pretending that everything is OK.

Right now my one first and only thought is what heaven will be like. First to see His face and to know why all this had to happen. second to see the splendor that He promised us in the Bible when He told us that He was going to go and prepare a place for us. If He could go and create the world in 7 days and He has spent the last 2 thousand years preparing heaven for us...think about how awesome it is going to be.