From Julie

I wrote down my thoughts about last night and wanted to share them with you. Betty might be posting it on the blog later.

Weeping Endures for a Night, But Joy Comes in the Morning (Psalm 30:5)


Yesterday I was so excited when I got that phone call from Rachel and she told me the good news that she would be going home that day! I started rejoicing for her and then she hit me with the news, “but in my scan they found another very large tumor in my abdomen and stomach areas”. Whoosh and all the air left me – I couldn’t breath, I had no idea what to say. This was not the news I was expecting to hear. “The doctors don’t think it will be much longer” she told me. “Are you afraid?” I asked her. “I am not afraid of dying, because I know I will be with the Lord, I am afraid of being in pain”.  This was hard to hear, see Rachel and I have had many conversations, even before she was sick, about how excited we were to spend eternity with the Lord and finally be in our glorious state with no more selfishness, sickness, or pain. However, I DO NOT want to see my cousin suffer.

As much as I want to selfishly keep her here longer, I pray that the Lord does not allow her to suffer. When I got home last night, my family was all sitting down with Rachel talking about fears, heaven, and love. I immediately started crying as I listened to Rachel talk about her boys and our family and the things she wanted to stay around for, like seeing her boys get their first girlfriends, seeing her niece Izzy become a teenager, and seeing me get married some day. Last night was a time for our family to gather around Rachel and grieve together and bond together. The best part for me was that her boys, Dane (11) and Ethan (9) got to be in on the conversation and hear things their Mother wanted to share with them and we wanted to share with them about their Mom. I told Dane, “I hope you realize how blessed you are to have a Mom like you do – not many people get to have this kind of amazing Mom”.  And he gave Rachel a huge hug at that point, because he knows! Rachel will have a lasting legacy in our family. And if the Lord does tarry to come again (which I hope and pray He does not and instead comes soon!), this legacy will be shared down through many generations. When I think about the kind of Mother I want to be, I think about Rachel – first and foremost striving to please the Lord and further His Kingdom, always caring for her family and showing love to others, even when she is sick with a terminal illness. Now THAT is a lasting legacy – time to add Rachel to the Hebrews Faith Hall of Fame. I do believe Rachel will be a very popular name in our family for generations to come =).

Last night Rachel was asking everyone what they thought Heaven was going to be like. “Think of the best day of your life”, my Aunt Betty said, “then multiply times a million, and that is what Heaven is going to be like”.  I said that I think Heaven is going to be amazing because finally all of our selfishness will be left behind and we will be like God created us to be worshiping Him and loving with a perfect love. My favorite though, was Rachel’s imagery, much like the Elfin Kingdom in Lord of the Rings. And she wants to have the ears like the Elf Queen! I like that. If you read Revelation, there is much imagery about what Heaven will be like, and while we won’t know exactly what it will look like, I believe it will be the most beautiful, amazing place we could ever imagine – better than any fantasy or science fiction book you could ever read.  We talked about if we think we will still have relationships with our friends and families that we have here on earth, and we all agreed that God created us as relational people, and we have such deep love and emotion for the people He has put in our lives here on earth, that we will definitely still have those relationships in Heaven. The only difference? It will be a perfect love, no more hurting and abuse, no more broken families, no more divorce. All of that selfishness will go away.

Last night held a lot of crying for our family, but I will NEVER give up hope that God will heal my Rachel. Our God is a God of miracles and I continually come before Him boldly requesting that He heals Rachel’s body completely. There is so much I selfishly want her to be around for, to memorize scripture with, to ride to Bible Study with, to give me advice about guys and tell me to never give up hope because God has the most amazing Christian man in store for me, and (if the Lord ever blesses me with a husband and children), to stand next to me and rejoice with me on my wedding day and to be in the delivery room (even though I know she would hate it haha) as we celebrate the most amazing and precious little gift from God. But above all of this, I know His plan is perfect and whatever He has for Rachel is exactly where she is supposed to be! 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”. Isaiah 55:8-9